


Five Stargate Atlantis Things

by orphan_account



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: 5 Things, Comment Fic, Community: sg1_five_things, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-12
Updated: 2009-12-12
Packaged: 2017-10-07 22:05:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Various tidbits written for the "five things" challenges @ <a href="http://sg1-five-things.livejournal.com/">sg1-five-things</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Stargate Atlantis Things

**Author's Note:**

> Five things Chuck ate in the Pegasus galaxy that he couldn't pronounce  
> Five classes Rodney will never admit to taking in college  
> The five worst-kept secrets on Atlantis

**Five things Chuck ate in the Pegasus galaxy that he couldn't pronounce**

1) A few weeks after the Athosians left for the mainland, Teyla had shared some of her morning tea with anyone who happened to be in the mess hall at the time. She said it translated to 'stout tea' and Chuck wasn't about to try it, it smelled like boiled gym socks. Then one morning after a hellish week of practically rebuilding the control room, Teyla made some 'tea' and Chuck drank a gallon of the stuff. Whatever it was, it had enough caffeine and other stimulants in it that they completed repairs before schedule. Better yet, he didn't get the shakes or have a headache afterwards like he would've with coffee. He does, however, add a little sugar to it when Teyla's not looking.

2) 'Smazeny syr'. He can spell it because he googled it, but the term makes absolutely no sense to his Canadian tongue. He can't even attempt saying it without spitting on someone so he doesn't bother anymore. The mess hall tries to accommodate the wide range of cuisine preferences amongst the expedition team, but sometimes folks aren't always thrilled with the results. Not that many are allowed a turn in the kitchen, but somehow Dr. Zalenka manages to get in there and make his Czech fried cheese at least once a month.

3) The Genii recipe for moonshine called for a hefty about of tava root to be added along with the sugar and corn. This made it more like whiskey than straight moonshine and the gate techs have been known to make a fair batch now and then. The Genii also had a name for their "harvest" cup, but no one remembers what it was.

4) The one time that he went off world it was with Major Lorne's team. They were traveling to a friendly world to conduct routine trade and Major Lorne's team were frequent visitors. A piece of farm equipment they had traded months ago was no longer working and since it was made John Deere and not by Atlanteans, Chuck got stuck going. The marketplace was bustling and chaotic and so very amazing. Major Lorne encouraged him to stop at a vendor and try some sort of kabob thing that tasted like heavily spiced lamb (he expected it to taste like chicken). The man repeated the name of the spice three times and Chuck still has no idea what he said.

5) Chuck hated Dr. McKay. He really, really did. He didn't care that the man was a genius and had saved their collective asses dozens of times. He hated him. He kept Chuck in the control room running a stupid diagnostic after the end of his shift. By the time he got to the mess hall, all the dessert was gone. All day long he had been looking forward to that Japanese whipped concoction Miko makes that tastes faintly like grapes. 'Fuji', 'Vuggee'... something like that. Chuck hated Dr. McKay.

 

**Five classes Rodney will never admit to taking in college**

1) 203.1 Introduction to Early Childhood and Family Studies  
He basically took the course for a girl. He doesn't understand children, he doesn't even like children. Also, he walked in on the girl while she was having sex with a frat boy from Phi Beta. Unfortunately it was two days after the drop-class deadline, so he had to stick with it because there was no way he was going to screw up his GPA. It reinforced his dislike of children and school teachers in general.

2) 104.6 Tennis  
His undergraduate advisor thought physical activity would improve his temperament and help him get along with his fellow students. He only agreed to take it to improve his hand-eye coordination, which still sucks. Just ask the marines. He only qualifies to be issued a handgun on a probationary (60 day) basis, so they have to re-qualify Rodney every two months. It's kind of becoming a running joke with them, he suspects.

3) 301.2 Women Studies  
Yes, he was a typical undergrad, even if he was only 14 years old. The course didn't really teach him anything about women, he was greatly disappointed and outlined why in his final essay.

4) 101.1 Introduction to Russian  
He doesn't speak Russian. He doesn't have the talent for languages, and in typical Rodney fashion - if he can't excel at it, he doesn't bother.

5) 206.4 French Literature  
He'll never understand why scientists were required to take any humanities classes. He hated all of them, except this one. This course left in him a love of 18th century French authors like Voltaire and Mercier. He knows some members of the expedition hide their porn in auto magazines. He can understand the concept as his copies of An Introduction to Modern Stellar Astrophysics and Singularities in Collapsing Stars and Expanding Universes actually contain Le Mondain and L'An 2440, rêve s'il en fut jamais. Of course, anyone who truly understood his genius would know he didn't need copies of those books and would probably discover his secret quite easily. He's surprised (and a little dismayed) that no one has.

 

**The five worst-kept secrets on Atlantis**

1) Jennifer loves lemon meringue pie. When Rodney's around, she insists she doesn't miss it and barely even likes it. When he's away, she'll eat at least two helpings.

2) Ronon and Amelia have started having sex in the storage closet next to the gate room. Probably the only thing secret about it is how the two of them don't seem to have a clue that it's not sound proof. Either that or they just don't care. Even Woolsey is hesitant to bring it up.

3) Major Lorne has a boyfriend back home. Despite DADT, everyone seems to know why Lorne's always grinning shortly after the databursts come in and emails have been read. No one is quite brave enough to tease him about 'sexting' to another galaxy, but they all speculate it must be something good to keep that goofy grin on his face for a few days.

4) Chuck can be persuaded to selectively disengage certain security cameras for a pre-arranged amount of time. It seems that a lot of expedition members like the 'idea' that they could get caught having sex in a public corridor, but they really don't want footage of it showing up at the SGC.

5) Radek is Chuck's most frequent customer.


End file.
